The Origin Story

Caleb once stared at a resting brisket for 14 hours straight without blinking. He claims the meat spoke to him, whispering secrets of ancient bovine relaxation techniques. He hasn't slept in a bed since 2019, preferring to nap on a pile of butcher paper to "stay grounded."

Alex was a high-frequency trader on Wall Street until he saw a porterhouse being mistreated at a steakhouse in Midtown. He walked out, liquidated his assets, and spent three years living with a herd of Wagyu cattle in Japan to understand their emotional needs. He is now banned from most steakhouses in the tri-state area.

Josh holds a PhD in Napkin Engineering from a university that doesn't exist yet. He spent a decade developing a paper towel that could absorb grease without absorbing the soul of the meat. He tests every batch of Meat Mattresses personally by weeping gently onto them to ensure maximum absorbency.